by Amanda Hebert Hughes

G O D ’ S P L A N F O R Y O U R P A S T O R

the neurodivergent christian, spring 2025

When you think of the word, “pastor”, what is the first thing that comes to mind? What do you feel?

Perhaps you do not currently have a pastor or maybe you are a pastor. Perhaps your church is so large, that you do not get to interact with your pastor, or despite being a smaller church - your thoughts of your pastor are still associated with only sermons and someone who is an acquaintance.

When many people hear the word “pastor”, they usually think of the office of elder or spiritual leader (depending on translation) as described in 1 Timothy chapter 3. Some churches consider all pastors to be elders, but not all elders to be pastors - while others consider all elders to be pastors, but not all pastors to be elders. This was recently demonstrated in a denomination’s vote to allow women to serve as pastors, while not qualifying them for what was considered to be the role of elder. While definitions are primarily considered regarding this word: “pastor”, that is not always the case for one-third of the population: the neurodivergents.

When many neurodivergents hear the word “pastor”, we often have different initial thoughts than jumping straight to the theological definition. Emotional definitions come to the surface first. We may even encounter immediate feelings of trauma or numbness (alexithymia). “Trauma” may seem to be an extreme word to use here, but when any word makes our pulse rates increase or our emotional awareness go blank - it is a good idea to acknowledge what is happening. Anyone who has experienced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy knows that the next step is to identify the thought or belief that is connected with this fight, flight, or freeze response. In other words, this is our practical way of exercising 2 Corinthians 10:5 - taking every thought captive. Psychology is not necessarily antithetical to Scripture. After all, brain science is God’s science!

Pastors as well as anything and anyone else can be associated with trauma. This is simply because being neurodivergent is traumatic! We live with inherent traits not experienced by the majority of those around us. We live with sensitivities, instincts, and thoughts that are foreign to many. We spend a higher level of energy in hypervigilance of being misunderstood and inadvertently (or advertently) mistreated. It costs us further energy to process the aftermath of confusing interactions - trying to catch up with everyone who seemed to be on a completely different page. We are used to being told we are wrong. We are used to being misunderstood, misjudged, and the figurative party-of-one.

Yet pastors bear a title and role that are meant to be universally associated with safety and guidance. After all, their own guide should be God’s Word and the Holy Spirit. But what if the pastor’s role is filled by someone who makes us feel unsafe or someone who does not know how to guide us? This puts us in a challenging place.

Let’s pause for an important caveat here: we are not referring to pastors who have ethically, morally, or legally failed - such as engaging in abuse, theft, or similar. We can assume that such acts are universal disqualifiers for any pastor altogether and will not be tolerated in a healthy church. This is not the version of “unsafe” that is being referred to in this conversation.

The term “unsafe” used here, is referring to the missing spiritual, social, and emotional forms of safety and guidance that are a felt need from our pastors. When encountering a deficiency in these provisions, most people would or could simply find another church and pastor - but as neurodivergents, we know that this problem will very likely meet us in the next church - and the next. Neurodivergence is still a widely misunderstood concept in the church, while ironically being experienced real-time by a wide population.

Yet, as children of God and vital parts of the Body of Christ, it is still imperative that we perseveringly pursue our faith with fear and trembling according to Philippians chapter 2. This includes engaging in church life. The spiritual under-shepherd called and charged to guide us in this process is the pastor.

“But that does not mean we want to dominate you by telling you how to put your faith into practice. We want to work together with you so you will be full of joy, for it is by your own faith that you stand firm.” 2 Corinthians 1:24

SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR IN OUR PASTOR?

Whether we realize it or not, this is a question that we all - from church leaders to church visitors - are regularly asking ourselves. This is demonstrated by our conscious and unconscious expectations. We all have certain expectations of pastors. As we should! We don’t expect a pastor to regularly drive us to work or cook us dinner, but we do expect them to do “pastor things”.

do we want a king?

We usually prefer our pastors and spiritual leaders to be people that we like and admire. It is often through these dynamics that we feel a sense of trust and security in their leadership. We prefer to find comfort and look up to the things that they say and do. After all, what would it say about us if we supported a pastor that we didn’t admire or weren’t always comfortable with?

do we want a prophet?

Remembering that the primary role of a pastor is to speak and apply God’s Word corporately, we shift our eyes to the pulpit. We listen for ideas that inspire us to remember a holy and awesome God while applying the truth to our lives. This should always make us feel good, right?

do we want a judge?

We definitely want a judge, but do we want a judge for ourselves? We want a judge for people in the church that we are hurt by and those out in the world who do horrible things. We want a leader to confront others, standing up for what is right and help us feel justified in our disappointment in others for their poor choices.

While there isn’t anything intrinsically wrong with most of the above desires, they become extrinsically wrong when we forget the following:

kings are human.

Putting any human on a figurative pedestal is never sustainable. Humans make mistakes, which means pastors make mistakes. Mistakes can come in the form of misunderstanding others, saying something that is unclear, or being late occasionally. Pastors are not kings. Genuine and called pastors are servant leaders striving to love others, steward and deliver the untainted Word of God, protect the flock, edify the saints, and most of all: glorify God through thought and action - out in the open and behind closed doors. This is an ongoing, lifelong process for our spiritual leaders just as it is for us. Making an idol of our pastor by placing ideal expectations on him, is bound to lead to our disappointment.

“But when they said, ‘Give us a king to lead us,’ this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. And the Lord told him: ‘Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you.” 1 Samuel 8:6-8

Prophets say uncomfortable things.

Pastors are accountable before God to preach and teach God’s Word to the best of their ability and with integrity. Truth is often uncomfortable to hear when we are not aligned with it. Lack of alignment in at least some ways is a guarantee, simply because we are not perfect. There are always opportunities for us to become more like Christ and to cut out the deadly habits that our appetites can invite. Even God’s Word likens itself to a sword in Hebrews 4:12 “…sharper than a two-edged sword, penetrating to even the division of soul and spirit…”. Just because growth and change can be painful and uncomfortable by way of our pastor’s preaching and correction - does not necessarily make them bad.

“All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations-” Isaiah 65:2

Judges bring suffering.

If we accept that our pastor is not perfect, then we naturally should expect mistakes. There is a biblical and loving way to respond to these guaranteed events. Do we lash out in bitterness or abandon our church altogether when our pastors fail us or cause suffering? Or, do we respond in a merciful way, gathering strength by surrounding one another in love?

Remember Samson. Samson was a figure among the Israelites that brought both blessing and suffering on God’s people by his heroics and failures. He was put in place by God for God’s purposes as all the judges in the Old Testament were - as are our pastors. Suffering bears fruit whether it is suffering from our own failures or the faults of others.

“Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.” Hebrews 5:8

HOW DO WE COPE WITH A PASTOR THAT COULD MAKE MISTAKES, OFFEND US, OR HURT someone?

Our ultimate and sufficient comfort is knowing that our pastor is an under-shepherd to the Great Shepherd. This involves faith, and faith pleases God. The Great Shepherd is divine, holy, and just. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-present. He has a plan for His Bride - the Church - and no purpose of His can be thwarted. This means that we can trust God’s Word regarding those put in authority over us. Full stop.

“Authority over us” can trigger an oppressive or negative connotation - but authority is, in fact, a very heavy calling for our pastors. Called pastors are acutely aware that they are human and “only dust”- constantly. Their vocational calling is to the front lines of spiritual warfare for the souls of people. This is not rhetorical. This is literal. It is heavier than being a surgeon stewarding someone’s physical lifeblood - pastors are stewards of the eternal lifeblood - the gospel! This awareness lies on many a pastor, every minute, of every day.

“Every high priest is a man chosen to represent other people in their dealings with God. He represents their gifts to God and offers sacrifices for their sins. And he is able to deal gently with ignorant and wayward people because he himself is subject to the same weaknesses. That is why he must offer sacrifices for his own sins as well as theirs.” Hebrews 5:1-3

Pastors do understand struggle, sacrifice, and living out their faith with fear and trembling. We can approach our pastors as friends and co-laborers. Genuinely getting to know our pastors or spiritual leaders and their families helps us just as much as it helps them - and it really messes with the enemy (bonus prize). Connecting with our pastors and spiritual leaders will take time, but that is a good thing. The “how” is provided to us in Scripture and by the power of the Holy Spirit.

“Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit.” Hebrews 13:17

“Dear brothers and sisters, honor those who are your leaders in the Lord’s work. They work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance. Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.” 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:12-13

Blessings can flow through the Body of Christ when we work together holding each other up - especially our leaders. Just as Aaron held up Moses’ arms during the battle, we too can do simple things that God can use, and that is worth fighting for.

The enemy fights like he can win.

Let us fight because, in Christ, we have already won. ©

Scripture references taken from the New Living Translation.